Something About Me

2 Sep

Sitting here at my house and wondering what is in store for me in the coming months.  I have learned so much in the past 4 years and it never ceases to amaze me.  I just keep trucking.  I can’t stop.  I’m a runaway train.  Or something like that.  And everyday the thought crosses my mind that I made the right choice.  That I am doing what I am supposed to do. Am I?

It is all a process to me.  I know I will end up somewhere, for now I am having a great time and am working with amazing people.  It is a lot of hard work, but I get it done.  My desk is scattered with lists, papers, sticky notes, an ipad, and two computers.  Somehow this helps me, but really it is my mind.  Which seems to be a combination of right and left brained.  The left side normally wins, the right side still tries to pull through.

Stacks of cookbooks litter my bedroom, articles about cider float about, apples seem to be on my mind constantly, and I always have a comment or two to make on sausages. Why?  It is just me.  The refrigerator is covered in handwritten recipes that have either been made or are waiting to be made.  You can see cookies, sausages, cures, jams, and braises meez all on the cooler.  It is rather exciting.

The culinary world is so fascinating and changes constantly.  It keeps me on my toes it keeps my mind moving a million miles an hour.  And yes I talk to myself all the time.  Am I crazy?  Probably, but I am ok with that; especially when the thinking lobster hands come out.  This is how I keep myself busy.  I also think I am my own worst enemy.  Some of the best conversations I have had have been with myself.  Hah!

Lastly, there is a deep secret that grows inside me.  I don’t think it will ever die.  Hope.  I keep hope alive for something; a dream, a goal, a wish, just something.  I permit myself to try to reach that goal.  I hope everyday that I come a bit closer to reaching that goal.  I hope that one thing will work out for me.  I hope that the right things will take place.  Is it the right time?  Is it the place?  Am I ready?  I hope.

I see my dreams dance all around me.  Are they mocking me or reminding me?  At times I get frustrated that I keep hope alive and stupidity enters my mind, I feel silly for hoping.  I doubt my commitment to hope.  Why should I do it?  I stop.  I ponder.  Realizing that hope is in me.  Hope is a part of my essence.  No matter how much I can get angry at myself or frustrated that I believe in such dreams; it is hope that keeps me going.

Forever a dreamer.  Forever in the sky.  Living in the clouds above.  I will always aspire to be someone.  One day I will.  For now all I have is hope, a goofy smile, a bunch of recipes, loud hair, my imagination and my determination.  Things will work out and when they do another vision will enter my head and hope will win yet again.

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